all of my feelings on fire (guess i'm a bad liar)
by princesaevie
Summary: Trini is eleven and she thinks Kimberly is a bitch. She doesn't know better until she's seventeen and the world is ending. — trimberly, side jasonzackbilly, hogwarts au


Your parents walk you to Platform Nine and Three Quarters without your younger brothers, your mom lecturing you about how you're to write home at least once a week and tell them the moment you make friends ("yes, _Karla_ , you have to make friends, you do know how to do that, right?") and your father holding your hand tightly. They still haven't caught on to the fact that you hate being called Karla or that you don't need them to walk you through this but you say nothing aside from, "yes, Mama" and "okay, Mama." You don't want to fight with them just before you leave for Hogwarts and you know what your mom will say if you cause a scene in public from experience.

Your father begrudgingly releases his grip on your hand and your mom kisses the top of your head. Says, "I love you," lets you go, and waves goodbye. In three years you won't be sure if she said it to maintain image or because she loves you but for now you just say it back before disappearing onto the train.

Once on the train, you pass compartments with people in them to find an empty compartment and shut the door, not wanting anyone else to come in.

It takes all of five minutes for someone to come in anyway.

With dark hair and darker eyes, he stands no taller than you. He can't be any older than you, you think, but he is, it seems, infinitely louder. He takes heavy steps and slams the door shut behind him. Speaks too loudly to say, "I'm Zack. Zack Taylor, it's cool if I sit here right?" He doesn't wait for a response before plopping down on the seat across from you.

You sigh louder than you normally would to convey that it's _not_ cool.

Zack grins toothily, like he's waiting for something. "You gonna introduce yourself, kiddo?" he asks, stretching out comfortably. It's clear he's not going to leave so you close your eyes for a moment, trying to decide if you'd be able to find a new empty compartment if you got up now.

Maybe not. Another sigh, still louder than your mother would ever approve of. You straighten your back in hopes of being taller than him like this, then, "Trini." You pause, wondering if you really have to be nice to him. It occurs to you that he might not leave you alone if you aren't but being nice might make him think you're friends now. "Estrabao," you add anyway, deciding that telling him your last name won't hurt, "and don't call me kiddo."

His hands shoot up mockingly and you decide then and there that you don't like Zack Taylor. You let him stay and reply to his questions about you anyway though. After all, your mom will send a howler if you don't have any friends to tell her about in your first letter home.

"So," Zack says, "what's your story?"

You reply by rolling your eyes. Zack replies by telling you all about himself.

By the time the trolley arrives, you know (against your will) that Zack is a halfblood, his dad was a wizard but he's out of the picture so Zack's grown up in the muggle world and his favorite color is black and his dad was in Hufflepuff and he doesn't know what house he'll be in but he hopes you're in it too. If he wasn't so annoying, you might think it was sweet that he hopes you're in his house too. Fortunately for you, Zack is annoying and you don't have to think he's sweet. That would be sentimental and you've never done sentimental. You didn't even like _Toy Story_ because it was too sappy.

You're lost in thought when Zack speaks, "yo, DeeDee, did you hear the trolley chick?"

Now he's got your attention. Your posture straightens again as your arms cross. You're only 4'7" but you're determined to seem intimidating right now. "Who the hell is DeeDee? My name is Trini," you snap, "and no, I'm fine. Thanks."

A grin crosses Zack's face as he buys a pack of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and two chocolate frogs. Sits back down across from you, opening up a chocolate frog eagerly, and says without looking up at you, "knew I could get you to talk to me, T. What's that short for anyway? Or did your folks actually just name you Trini? Is that the kind of thing pureblood wizards do?"

"I'm not pureblood. My parents are both halfbloods," you mumble.

"Really? 'Cause I said to stay absolutely silent if you were a pureblood and you did," he fakes a gasp, "I can't believe you lied to me, DeeDee! Me! Your closest friend!"

You groan harshly and wonder what you did to deserve this, "I told you, it's Trini. And you aren't my closest friend, God, do you have an off switch?"

The chocolate frog jumps out the train window. You can't help but be envious of it, free to just leap away from Zack Taylor in all his obnoxious glory. Maybe you could jump out that window too and fly away from all of this.

"I'll stop calling you DeeDee if you tell me what Trini's short for," Zack bargains.

You _really_ wish you could jump out that window. Contemplate it too for a minute. "Trinidad," you tell him curtly, because you hate Karla too much to even say out loud. This is already too personal, you know. You'll probably be in different houses and never speak to each other again and yet you're already telling him your middle name and you already know the gist of his childhood. At least that's something you can write home about. Your mom will probably like hearing that, maybe even ask if you have a crush on him. The thought makes you uncomfortable. You don't know why, he's not important or anything.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The train reaches Hogwarts as Zack finishes telling you about the time he got stuck in a tree only to close his eyes and find himself safely back in his trailer with his mom. You're both changed into your robes and part of you feels kind of proud.

The Sorting is something even you couldn't mess up. Just don't get put into Slytherin and your parents will be proud. That should be easy. You don't think you're particularly ambitious or cunning. Really, you just want to get through life without screwing up too badly. That will probably get you put in Hufflepuff which both your parents would be fine with, though your brothers might tease you.

There's the afterthought that you'd probably be away from Zack. You couldn't see him as a Hufflepuff. It's a satisfying thought - no more Zack bombarding you with questions and stories about his personal life at full volume no matter how many glares and eye rolls you give him. You're still going to tell your mom about him though, since you doubt you'll make any actual friends this week.

He doesn't leave you alone though, not yet at least. He stands next to you when Hagrid calls you over and sits with you on the boat ride to the school. Asks you what house you think you'll be in. You shrug and he goes off on a tangent about how even though his dad was in Hufflepuff, his mom wants him to be in Ravenclaw but he bets he'll be in Gryffindor. You get shushed by McGonagall once you're inside. Then, you're in the Great Hall waiting to be sorted.

The first sorted, Vanessa Aiken, is put into Slytherin and Kendall Arthur follows suit. You bite your lip, hoping you won't end up with them.

Zack notices. Squeezes your hand and says, "hey, don't worry, T, you aren't cool enough to be a Slytherin." It's oddly reassuring but you elbow him anyway and then turn back to the Sorting in time to watch Amanda Clarke be sorted into Slytherin. You repress a shudder. You missed a sorting but the fact that there are at least three Slytherins already unnerves you.

William Cranston breaks the streak. After two minutes of wearing the hat, he's put into Ravenclaw. The table roars with applause, it must be their first so far. You tune out after that, wondering if you could really screw up your sorting and be put into Slytherin or if your parents would be okay with that. What if they got so mad you moved again? Too far to go to Hogwarts or any other wizarding school. Enrolled into a muggle high school, left with powers you don't know how to keep in check and rumors about why you moved all around you. The thought almost distracts you from your name being called out.

"Karla Estrabao," Headmaster McGonagall says, sure to pronounce your last name right for a change.

The look Zack sends you screams confusion and you realize that if he can put the pieces together, he now knows your full name. You doubt he can though, and you don't correct her. Not yet at least, you can do that in class. Or maybe you can't, you don't want people thinking they can call you Karla.

You straighten your spine, curl your hands into fists, and say (two beats too late, you must look weird now), "it's Trini."

Headmaster McGonagall looks down at you like she's taking a note of that and nods. Zack's mouth forms an O that makes you want to slap him. You put that thought aside and sit down, trying to keep still as they place the Sorting Hat on your head.

 _Hm,_ it says, _I could see you in Ravenclaw. Very smart ... Lots of potential._ You try to think about if you would like Ravenclaw, a bunch of stuck up nerds who are probably infinitely smarter than you. Well, anything but Slytherin. _Anything but Slytherin, hm? Well, let's see ... You might do well there. But you might be happy in ..._ "Gryffindor!" it shouts.

The table _erupts_.

Louder than Ravenclaw had. Louder than all the Slytherin claps combined. Louder than Zack Taylor. Louder than even the music you listen to with headphones on.

For the first time, you think you feel accepted.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

You can't sleep that night so sneak back down to the common room of Gryffindor house to write your first letter home. You don't expect to find anyone there since it's so late but you can't say you're mad when you see Zack Taylor there. He's still annoying, sure, but you think even he knows to be quiet now. Besides, you're sure there's a decent person under all those layers of obnoxiousness.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to be nice to him now that you're in the same house. "Hey," you whisper.

He grins up at you, all teeth and sparkling eyes. Says, "hey yourself," louder than he should even though you know that he knows you'll roll your eyes, but that's all he says this time. You doubt Zack actually understands that you need silence right now. You're sure he's just too tired to keep up a one sided conversation like on the train. It's still a nice gesture though.

As an even nicer gesture, Zack places the bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans on the table. It's something of a peace offering, which you're happy to enjoy. The two of you sit in a comfortable silence, eating the jelly beans and pulling faces when you get horrible flavors like laundry soap and dirt until you finish the letter.

Introducing Zack as your friend in it feels like less of a lie than you'd thought it would on the train but it still doesn't feel like the truth. You think, for the first time, that you might yet have friends at Hogwarts and something inside your stomach gets warm and fuzzy.

You tell yourself it's just the jelly beans.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It takes a month for you to run out of excuses for why you feel the way that you do and for why you keep hanging out with Zack. You're sitting in the Great Hall with Zack and he's using pastries to act out something embarrassing the Ravenclaw he sits with in Charms did. You keep telling him to shut up but you're smiling more than you have all month and you can't stop laughing so he just speaks louder.

He finishes his story and your side is in pain from how hard you're laughing. He grins at you and says, "you gonna write to your mom about that or am I gonna have to start calling you DeeDee again?"

Your middle finger is in the air just for him.

It doesn't wipe the grin off his face. His question is answered, you guess.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Being friends with Zack Taylor apparently entails sneaking out of more than just your dormitory. It's a dumb idea but Zack decides the two of you had to go steal some pastries since he wasted his at dinner and you're still too giddy from the revelation that you are capable of making friends (or at least one friend) to say no. You still tell him you think it's dumb at least three different times.

One: when he suggests it with the dopiest smile after you finish your latest letter home. He puts his face in his hands, his elbows on the table, and starts off with, "sooooo." You immediately roll your eyes and ask what dumb thing he wants this time but don't turn the idea down when he suggests it.

Two: when you have to grab him to pull him into a broom closet to avoid the eyes of Miss Norris. You practically hiss it. Your nails dig into his arm. It's not on purpose but you don't apologize for it and even Zack knows that he can't say anything unless he wants to risk the two of you getting caught and then punished. Neither of you know exactly how bad the punishment for sneaking out after lights out would be and while Zack may be curious, you made it very clear what will happen to him if you find out tonight.

Three: when you do, in fact, get caught. Thankfully, it's just by house elves. They don't turn you two into Filch and do give you a bag of pastries. One of them - Karry - calls you Missus Trini and apologizes for your stress, says, "Karry is so sorry, Missus Trini, that you weren't satisfied with supper. She'll be sure to make you and Master Zack happy next time, for sure, for sure!"

You know it's a house elf's job but you still tell Zack his idea was dumb, that now the house elves are going to think they aren't doing a good enough job. It's the only time you say it at all harshly and Zack smiles sheepishly and apologizes to the elves.

The two of you are back in Gryffindor tower by midnight and you fall asleep with a smile even dopier than Zack's had been when he suggested it. You can't help but feel positively euphoric knowing that you got away with something for once. Your dreams are filled with pastries and the rush of hiding in a broom closet from Filch's cat that night.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The morning brings with it a crash to your high. The house elves, it seems, alerted Headmaster McGonagall to your nighttime adventures. She calls you both to her office and sighs heavily when you sit down before her. Looks down at you both, her glasses sliding down her nose like even they're disappointed with you. Instead of a detention, McGonagall decides to merely separate you and Zack in class. "Consider this a warning," she sighs, "and if that doesn't keep you both from trouble, you will be getting private detentions with me. Now get out, I don't want to see either of you in here again."

You leave her office in shame, your shoulders hunched and your head bowed. An apology and an explanation to your mom is already being composed in your head. You hadn't thought making a friend like she'd instructed could lead to you disappointing her so badly. A month into school and already you've been to the headmaster's office, already you've broken rules - and even worse, gotten caught doing it.

Zack senses your distress. It's obvious, you know but it's nice that he addresses it. Squares his shoulders the best he can, turns to you, says, "hey, she's not gonna tell your parents. She said it was just a warning, kiddo."

It puts a scowl on your face and makes your shoulders slump down. "Don't call me kiddo," you tell him.

A grin settles onto his face, "stop being a kiddo then, DeeDee."

You shove into him playfully, but not too much so. Can't let him think he's off the hook for getting you into trouble, after all. He does get to know that he's put you in a much better mood though. You think that's a part of friendship but you're not entirely sure.

The good mood Zack managed to instill in you dies the moment you step into Herbology alone and realizing you don't even know the names of your fellow Gryffindors in this class. You fidget with your hands all through Professor Longbottom's lecture on the roots you'll be working with today, whose name you don't catch while freaking out about who you'll work with or if you'll have to work alone. The lecture is over before you know it and you only absorbed a third of what he said, if anything at all.

Everyone is pairing up and nobody is coming to you and - you already knew this was coming but it still hurts now that you know what it's like to have someone who immediately comes to you to pair up in class.

Professor Longbottom puts a stop to it the second he sees you standing still as everyone moves around, trying to push past each other to get to their friend. Says, "Miss Hart, pair up with Miss Estrabao," and is sure to point the girl towards you.

Her face falls for a moment before she recomposes herself. Shoots an apologetic glance to a girl you vaguely recognize (you think she's that Amanda girl from the Sorting, whatever her last name was) and walks over to you. She reaches out a hand with a tight, open lipped smile, and introduces herself, "I'm Kimberly. DeeDee, right?" She doesn't add that you can call her Kim but you hadn't expected (or wanted) to be friends anyway seeing as she doesn't even know your name (and she's a Slytherin, those are bad news you know).

You don't shake her hand, instead you hide behind your hair and mumble, "actually, it's Trini."

She might think that was rude but you can't read facial expressions and don't want to give her the satisfaction of actually looking at her and paying attention to her. You figure she's probably the kind of girl who thrives off of that and know you're the kind of girl who gets drained by doing that.

Your first impression of Kimberly Hart is nothing.

You note that she's a Slytherin and her hair looks like it would be soft if you touched it but you don't want to. You let her do most of the work without admitting you didn't pay much attention, but you think she realizes that anyway. By the time the lesson is over, you've barely said ten words to each other - and that's including the introductions.

She's not even really polite while you work together, it's more just civil. A quiet "pass that" or "hold this" with no please or thank you but no hostility and demand in her voice. You suppose that you don't make it very easy when you don't even actually speak back, instead you take to just grunting to acknowledge her while doing what she asks. You're fairly certain though that Kimberly is probably grateful for your no speaking policy. Unlike the girls you think you've seen her with a couple times in the Great Hall, you are short and have baby fat in your cheeks and completely lack any sort of grace or effortless charm. They all look the same age as you but somehow they are much, much prettier than you think you will ever be.

Kimberly, you've noted, is the prettiest of them. You think the whiteness to the others' skin is a little sickly and that dark hair and dark eyes are prettier than blonde hair paired with blue eyes could ever be. The smallest part of you jealously wonders how Kimberly makes it look so good though, knowing that your dark hair looks sloppy under your beanies and that your dark eyes look tired. You vaguely wish you could be as pretty as girls like Kimberly Hart as you sneak a glance at her to trace her jawline and the outline of her lips before pretending to scrawl something down in your notes.

Professor Longbottom dismisses your class soon after you fit in a few more discreet glances up at her. Kimberly leaves with a group of girls who all have hair that looks as soft as Kimberly's and without a goodbye - not that you would've returned or even acknowledged it - and you roll your eyes, pretending you don't wish you had friends besides Zack.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Zack asks how Herbology was without him at lunch.

You stab your food irritably and grumble that it was fine.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Being paired up with Kimberly Hart becomes something of a regular thing in Herbology after that. You think Professor Longbottom doesn't realize you two aren't friends, or maybe he's glad you're finally getting work done. Either way you're stuck with Kimberly Hart who makes no more effort to be your friend than you do hers. She doesn't even bother with the tight, open lipped smile anymore.

Part of you is glad she's stopped, it was starting to creep you out a bit. It was like she was trying to hide that she was plotting to Avada Kedavra you or something. The rest of you just wants this lesson to be over already so you can get to Charms and at least see Zack from across the classroom. (Side note: You're starting to think your mom was right when she asked if you had a crush. The thought unsettles you for more than just what it could do to your only friendship.)

Kimberly breaks your train of thought. "Trini, I need the pot." It's the first thing either of you have said to each other all lesson. You'd already forgotten the sound of her voice to be completely honest, it's kind of soft and a lot quieter than Zack's.

You grab the pot and hold it out for her to plant the seeds you're working with today in. Say a gruff "here" as you do it so she doesn't think you're mute or anything. Then you feel stupid for caring at all what she thinks. After all, it's not like Kimberly Hart or her opinions could ever matter to you.

She thanks you.

That's new but you bite your tongue and don't point it out or even mumble a "no problem" or a "you're welcome back. You're at least half sure that if you do she'll think it means you want to talk. Talking to her is just about the last thing you want.

The last time you talked to a Slytherin they had referred to Zack as a mudblood.

Anger rushing to your head, you'd told them he's a halfblood and even if he wasn't, they don't get to call him that. Don't get to call _anyone_ that. Peeves the Poltergeist interrupted the conversation for a stupid prank on some poor, unsuspecting Hufflepuff but if he hadn't, you think someone would have ended up hexed. Maybe even worse.

Girls like Kimberly Hart would probably say the same if you talked to them, maybe even call you a blood traitor when you stood up to them. The thought's got your knuckles white around the pot and you have to remind yourself that that hasn't happened and you won't ever talk to Kimberly long enough to let it to. It takes until the end of class for you to completely calm down though.

Kimberly looks at you funny, in a way you can't quite place, before she leaves with her usual friends whose names you still don't care to know.

You're sure to include it in your complaints to Zack at lunch - "and she stared at me like - like ... I don't know, like I grew a second head!" - and stab into your food again.

Zack is sure to laugh in response and joke that she must have been wondering how so much anger could possibly be in such a small person.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It's March when it happens. You're heading to Potions and Zack is in the infirmary getting medicine to combat whatever fungi it is that he ate in Herbology after being dared by another Gryffindor whose name you don't remember. You're running late because you'd waited for Zack before being informed by the Gryffindor who'd dared him to eat the fungi what happened and the halls are almost empty now. Slughorn likes you because of your dad but you're still power walking at the very least.

Rounding a corner, you see William Cranston (Billy, you think he goes by, you've never actually talked to him) curled up on the floor with Kimberly standing over him. Billy is a Muggleborn and Kimberly is a Slytherin so you're sure you know what happened. Then your hand is on your wand and you're yelling louder than you meant, "get away from him, Hart - Filpendo!"

The spell knocks Kimberly back farther and harder than you'd meant but anger is still pumping through you at the sight of Billy on the floor. You're at his side, helping him up before you know it.

Billy lets go of your hand as fast as he can and rubs it on his side before looking you up and down. Says, "um, thank you, Trini but - but Kim wasn't bothering me."

You let out something like a blanch at this.

With a grunt, Kimberly elaborates, "I was actually helping him, believe it or not. But I thought that I should ask Billy if he was okay with me touching him before I helped him up seeing as he's autistic."

"But he was on the - " you start, sure you'd been right about her.

Another grunt. Kimberly is back on her feet, rubbing her lower back where she'd thudded into the ground. She's sure to glower at you before saying, "because some tool - in _your_ house, by the way - pushed him."

Not wanting to believe Kimberly, you look to Billy.

He nods quickly, tapping his foot against the floor. Like he's not sure he's even allowed to, he asks, "um, can I go now? I don't like being late for class and it's going to take me thirteen minutes and twenty seven seconds to get there now."

You and Kimberly say yes in unison and you kind of wish you could just die.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Zack howls with laughter when you tell what happened and you burry your head in your arms, the shame worsening.

He agrees to go with you to plead with McGonagall to end your punishment anyway.

Headmaster McGonagall tells you that it's too late in the year to change your schedules again and that she'll lift it for your second year. When you try to explain that Professor Longbottom keeps pairing you with a girl who despises you, she tells you you'll have to either talk to Professor Longbottom about that or suck it up and try to make amends with Kimberly. You hate that it's completely reasonable and McGonagall is almost definitely right about Herbology so you can't even rant about this later to Zack in the common room.

You try to rant about it to him anyway though. It's less talking about how unfair the Headmaster is and more talking about how Professor Longbottom is probably already convinced her and Kimberly are besties and Kimberly will almost definitely hex her right back if she approaches the Slytherin.

"Isn't assuming the worst about Slytherins how you ended up jinxing her in the first place, T?" he points out.

For the first time, you really wish Zack would be _wrong_. You don't want him to have a point right now, you just want your feelings validated and you're sure to tell him that. Turn your chin up and say, sarcasm dripping from your words, "thanks for the moral support, Taylor, you know _just_ how to make a girl feel validated."

His hands shoot up in mock surrender and you decide that you most definitely do not have a crush on him.

Still tense, you run a hand through your hair in frustration and defeat. You're still not going to try to apologize to Kimberly though. You'd tried after Billy had left and she'd walked right past you and since then, every time you've spotted her she's been surrounded by her friends. The thought of going up to them all and asking to talk to Kimberly alone makes you kind of want to die all over again. You can feel your face getting hot as you even consider it.

Before Zack can wiggle his eyebrows and ask what you're blushing over, you forcefully ask him how his mom is doing.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Tomorrow, you have Herbology with the Slytherins again where you'll be forced to deal with Kimberly. You aren't planning on going out of your way to find her or anything but when you spot her by herself for once coming out of the owlery, you tell yourself it's now or never. Push down how much you would prefer never, straighten your spine even though you've barely grown an inch this year and have nothing on Kimberly who stands at 5'2" already, and avert your eyes to the ground so it can seem like an accident. The collision kind of hurts, your nose bumping harshly into her. It probably doesn't hurt as much as you jinxing her had though.

(You don't want to find out if you're right or not.)

"Sorry," you mumble, "wasn't paying attention."

Kimberly opens her mouth like she's going to ask if that's all you'll be apologizing for today. Stops herself, her mouth clamping down unnaturally. She doesn't move to distance herself from you. It leaves about two inches between you two and you feel more uncomfortable than you'd thought you would. Pride in her voice, like she's better than you for saying this, Kimberly flashes that tight, open lipped smile at you from the first day you met. Says, "it's fine. I wasn't either."

Neither of you steps around the other or says anything else. You think she might be waiting to see if you apologize for it on your own accord. Wonder if she knows that you're kind of waiting for yourself to get it over with too. More important than that though is why you can't get it out. You think maybe it's because she's so close you can smell her - you're confused as to whether or not she's wearing perfume or just smells sweet because of her shampoo or something - and the amount you would have to tilt your head up to look her in the eye. Either way, the words aren't coming out. Your mouth won't even open, it's like your jaw is frozen stuck.

You keep your eyes locked on the ground, knowing that you'll find yourself admiring how pretty she is again if you don't. You don't need to add "creepily staring at her" to the list of things you need to apologize to Kimberly for and you don't particularly want to lower your self esteem anymore by reminding yourself that Kimberly is the kind of girl your mom wants you to be like.

Well, aside from the being in Slytherin part. But somehow you feel like your mom would be able to forgive that if Kimberly was her daughter. Kimberly in her charming, pretty, apparently really kind and considerate to people who aren't you (or maybe just aren't rude to her) glory.

You awkwardly clear your throat, trying to get the words to come out more to distract you from your train of thought than to actually do the right thing this time. You barely even get a sound out.

Another beat passes. Then a minute.

Her eyes narrow sharply and she huffs like she's not sure what she expected from you before pushing past you. Grumbles, "well bye then, DeeDee." She smells like things you can't place (maybe fruit or coconut or something else entirely) and her hair looks softer than normal when she flips it like that. Your stomach slips lower and you think that maybe you're intimidated by Kimberly Hart.

It's a little ironic, you suppose, considering you're the one who jinxed her unprovoked. But you don't even break five feet and still have baby fat in your cheeks while Kimberly is tall (for your age, at least) and lean and has eyes that scream that she would step on whoever it took to get where she wants to be.

Really, it's no wonder you assumed she'd hexed Billy.

(That doesn't mean you shouldn't have apologized.)

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Professor Longbottom is more understanding than you'd anticipated and the next time you work in pairs, he puts you with a Gryffindor you vaguely recognize and Kimberly happily goes to partner with Amanda Clarke. At least, you think that's her name. You try not to dwell on it and instead work on pretending to know the name of the Gryffindor you're paired with. You think it's Hannah but you could definitely be wrong.

The girl you think is Hannah cracks a joke and you blink at her kind of stupidly.

She smiles back anyway and it makes her look warm and radiant. You're almost taken aback but how pretty she is and a breathy, awkward laugh escapes your mouth despite yourself. It's the first time you've laughed in Herbology since September.

You can feel Kimberly's eyes on you and you know she's probably been reminded of your existence and is now glaring holes into you. Breathe, you tell yourself, just ignore her and everything will be fine. You're sure it'll blow over in a month anyway.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It does not blow over in a month.

By the end of the school year, you've paired with Hanako (you were wrong about her name) every time Professor Longbottom has told you to pair up and Kimberly has glared at you every time you've engaged in talking with Hanako. With her friends, she immediately walks the other way when she sees you in the halls. They shoot you dirty looks in the Great Hall. Sometimes Hanako sits with you and Zack and the dirty looks somehow get even dirtier when she does.

There's only a few more days left of school and you've managed to make one and a half friends but also to make enemies with every one of Kimberly's many, many friends. No one ever says anything to you but ever since the owlery incident, people have made it a habit to shove past you in halls when they can. You aren't sure if it's better or worse this way.

You're also not sure if it's bullying or not. You make sure not to tell Zack though, in case it is. This, whatever it is, stays out of your letters home too. The thought of what Zack might do or of what your parents might say if they find out about it makes your heart sink. You shake your head, trying to focus on packing your bags. Go over what you're missing because you're you and you always miss something while packing. You've left countless blankets and toys behind while moving before and you don't want to do the same while leaving Hogwarts.

"Got my books, summer homework, socks, shoes," you mumble, sifting through your luggage, "still need those - and those ... my grey beanie ..."

 _That's_ what you're missing.

And - oh. It's not under your bed. Or in your dresser. Or under the beds of any of the girls in your dorm. _Or_ in the common room.

Suddenly, the four days you have to find it feel much, much too short. What if someone finds it first and keeps it? What if a house elf throws it out? What if it gets ruined? What if, what if, what if. You're so worked up about it, you practically jump the first person to come through the portrait. Desperation edging its way into your voice, you ask, "did you see anyone with a grey beanie?"

He blinks, takes a step back. Says, "uh, yeah, I think I saw Ty Fleming with one this morning."

You have no idea who Ty Fleming is. The look on your face makes that pretty clear as you try to rack your brain because you swear you've heard his name before.

"Gryffindor? First year, like you? He hangs around Jason Scott and Amanda Clarke?" It doesn't ring a bell so he continues, "uh, your friend Zack Taylor has Herbology with him?" _That_ rings a bell. It starts to piece together in your head - Ty hangs around with Amanda Clarke, who you're pretty sure is best friends friends with Kimberly, he took your beanie because that whole group hates you.

That's just fantastic. You mumble a thanks to the guy and head out to look for Ty - or your beanie. You've heard stories about kids whose belongings get left in hard to reach places by people who don't like them before and even though you've never spoken to him, from what Zack told you about him, he's the kind of person who would do exactly that. Especially to someone like you.

It occurs to you, as you round a corner, that this is definitely bullying if he did. You push the thought down when you see your beanie floating towards the ceiling. You're definitely too short to reach that. It doesn't stop you from trying though.

A levitation spell on yourself, a few attempts at jinxing the hat to try and knock it down, you even try just jumping up. Nothing works and your eyes are getting kind of watery now in more than just frustration. That's your favorite beanie and the thought of not having it to hide your eyes beneath when you want to disappear is more upsetting than you'd like to admit.

"Lose something?"

It takes a moment for you to place the voice as you quickly wipe your eyes. Kimberly. Of course, it would be her to find you when you're pathetic like this. Her and Ty probably planned it this way so she could have the satisfaction of embarrassing you.

You ball your hands into fists and don't even turn to face her. Grit your teeth and practically growl, "it's not losing if someone steals it."

Kimberly scoffs at that and you can practically hear her arms crossing over her chest. "Are you accusing me of something? Again? Because last time you did that, you were wrong, _DeeDee_ ," she says. You hate the way she articulates it - DeeDee. Hate the way people actually think it's your name now and you can't even blame Zack for it. Hate the way Kimberly can't even take responsibility for something she obviously did.

A tear slips down your cheek. You hadn't realized you'd started crying. You take a deep breath and don't wipe your cheek dry, not wanting Kimberly to know your weakness. Then, you straighten your back and gather some courage. This time, it's there and you say, "I'm sorry about that. Okay? It looked bad, you were standing over him and he was on the floor and there was no one else in the hall. What was I supposed to think? I mean, okay, yeah, I shouldn't have jinxed you but I thought I was doing the right thing. Leave me alone." It's the most you've said to her all year. You hope it's the most you say to her ever.

"You're such a Gryffindor," she sighs and you feel your courage collapse. Even apologizing didn't make a difference.

Except, apparently, it did because your beanie hits the ground as she walks away. Her footsteps pause for a moment. You clamor to pick your hat up off the floor and tug it over your head before glancing around to her. She rolls her eyes and says, "sorry for that, Trini."

You think that means you two are good now.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

You spend the train ride home sitting in a compartment with Zack. Hanako pokes her head in to say goodbye to you two and wish you a great summer break. She hugs you and you feel dazed yet again by how pretty she is. If Zack notices, he doesn't say anything. You appreciate that more than you care to admit. Appreciate _Zack_ more than you care to admit.

The two of you sit in a comfortable silence, eating Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and enjoying each other's company for a while afterwards. You've got your legs propped up in his lap and are seated right next to him. It's a welcome change from how you were this time nine months ago, with you shrinking into the wall as far away from Zack as you could possibly be while he talked your ears off.

"So," he breaks the silence, "how about this time you tell me about your childhood while I moodily ignore you until you call me Zeke."

It's not really that funny if you think about it but for once you don't, and instead you just howl with laughter. Right now you can't help but feel like you don't have a problem or care in the whole wide world. Not even your parents' interrogations or your brothers and their inability to sit still and not touch your things could get you down at the moment. The sun is soaking into your skin, your best and closest friend is next to you, you've got more candy than either of you can eat, you did great on your exams, and you guaranteed that Kimberly Hart and her friends will leave you alone next year.

You spend the rest of the train ride telling Zack about your brothers and about all the times you used magic accidentally as a kid. He laughs in all the right places and tosses jelly beans into your mouth in between stories.

Once the train arrives at the station, the two of you lazily get up, laughter still fresh on your faces. You're so busy taunting each other you don't even see Kimberly. You run into her, on accident this time, and she's grown an inch and a half and you haven't so your nose collides with her chest.

"Sorry," you both say.

Your hand is rubbing the bridge of your nose and she offers a quick smile. She looks effortlessly beautiful doing it and you hope your mom doesn't catch sight of her on the platform.

Kimberly rushes off the train with her friends, but not without saying, "see you next year."

You wave stupidly as she disappears, knowing she probably doesn't catch it but feeling oddly accomplished. It occurs to you that she hadn't said goodbye that day in Herbology - or any of the other days, even before you jinxed her. She hadn't even said goodbye that day in the corridor, when you'd apologized and she'd gotten your beanie back down for you.

Zack tells you you're going to have to explain what that was at some point this summer before hugging you goodbye in front of your parents.

They (really just your mom) spend the whole car ride home demanding to know everything about Zack, even though you'd told them time and time again in the letters that he and you are just friends and that, yes, you are positive there is nothing more. You think of Hanako and her warm smile and warmer hugs, of how pretty you think Kimberly Hart and her friends are even if you don't want anything to do with them, of how you couldn't help but stare at the older Hufflepuff girl who'd been assigned to tutor you in Astronomy. You think your parents are worried about entirely the wrong gender when it comes to your love life.

You desperately hope you're wrong.


End file.
